Stop, Drop, and Lose your Shit

Twenty-two third graders. One exhausted teacher. A lockdown drill, two false fire alarms, a missing substitute class, a downpour, and one mandatory round of stop, drop, and roll. What could possibly go wrong?

The school day begins peacefully, which is the first warning sign. Before dismissal, one teacher must survive a lockdown drill, evacuate his class twice, count the same children repeatedly, stand in the pouring rain, and somehow return to teaching as though any learning can still occur.

Inspired by real classroom incidents, STOP, DROP, AND LOSE YOUR SHIT is a profane, rhyming picture book for teachers and other adults who understand the chaos of working in a school. It captures the procedures educators follow, the thoughts they cannot say aloud, and the special kind of exhaustion that comes from keeping everyone safe while trying not to completely lose it.

A funny, inappropriate gift for teachers, paraprofessionals, administrators, and school staff who have survived emergency drills, false alarms, classroom chaos, and administrative feedback.

Adult humor. Not intended for children.