Finding Joy Marriage

God wants us to find joy in our daily lives. He tells us how to find joy, but He also lets us choose whether to obey Him or not. The internet is full of stories about couples finding great pain in man-woman relationships, even though God created us so that marriage done His way brings great joy. If you want a joyful marriage, you must understand what God told you to do and follow His instructions to receive the joy He wants for every couple.

God so loved the world that He sent His Son to come to Earth to die to take the punishment for our sins (Jn. 3:16). It's impossible that a God who loved us that much would create us in such a way that we couldn't find joy in marriage.
Secular scientific research has learned a lot about how God made men and women connect to each other. Our brains can be flooded with dopamine when a man and woman interact. Any interaction can trigger neurochemicals that change a couple's brains to tie them strongly to each other.

"Drugs such as cocaine and amphetamine target dopamine neurons.[1]
. . . love, on a biochemical level, is a lot like addiction. The healthy addiction of a lifelong monogamous sexual relationship even has measurable physical benefits."[2] [emphasis added]

Dopamine causes great pleasure so people badly want anything that generates dopamine. Men and women can easily become addicted to each other. Recovering from any addiction can be very hard.

Being addicted to a spouse who treats you kindly helps you live longer, but an unkind spouse can cause a lot of harm. You must make sure the other person treats you kindly before becoming emotionally connected. People can fake kindness, so be sure that all low-status people you meet are also treated with kindness.
This book explains the importance of kindness. Why would a man open his heart to a woman who hurts him? Why would a woman open herself to a man who hurts her?

Kindness isn't enough. Marriages can't last without deep emotional connections, but men and women connect differently. Making a man feel joy in connecting to her is simple but frightening and very humbling for a woman. Making a woman feel glad to connect to him is both hard and scary for a man. They must each learn the other's way of connecting and fulfill the other's needs gladly.

Strong two-way connections protect both husband and wife from being tempted to connect to others. This book explains how these connections work, summarizes the brain research that shows that traditional marriage customs work best for couples and their children, and explains how to find the joy God intended for your marriage.

[1] Fisher, Anatomy of Love, p 21-23
[2] Joe S. McIlhaney Jr, MD and Freda McKissic Bush, MD, Hooked, Northfield Publishing (Chicago) 2019 p 60